The fine line between being shallow and having standards/ Diferenta intre a avea standarde si a fi superficial.

  This post is under the “opinii (opinions)”  category, meaning that it’s my opinion based on experiences and  simple analytic processes.  It may not have great backup arguments or even any research done. The only fact remains that if you just sit back and look at it objectively you may find out some things about yourself and about the surrounding “crowd” (your entourage).

This conversation started a while back when for different bad or stupid reasons people in different groups I took part of, were alienating other people for reasons like ” I have a bad feeling about X”  or with no other reason ” I just don’t like Z, can’t explain why”. Here, I am just going to put things in perspective and in the process of doing that, I am going to state my opinion on the matter.

As simple aesthetics teach us that Flair and Charisma are social tools which help us tie, bind or create strong relationships of different nature. I am  saying different nature as love relationships are affected directly by them as well as they affect business relationships or social relationships too. So let me just provide the definitions for those who don’t know the difference or just to refresh everyone’s minds.

Charisma = 

a. A rare personal quality attributed to leaders who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm.

b. Personal magnetism or charm: “a television news program famed for the charisma of its anchors.”

Flair =

1. A natural talent or aptitude; a knack: “a flair for interior decorating.”

2. Instinctive discernment; keenness: “a flair for the exotica.”

3. Distinctive elegance or style: “served us with flair.”

These two along with more other abilities and aspects can make you a public person. But that’s just a subject i’ll get into if you beautiful people will ask me to.

So building relationships with people or making a connection with someone relies on each persons ability to “Charm” the other person with their wits, linguistic skills, and looks. But if you were to make a classification of these three skills which would you think is more important ??  Which do you think you choose when talking to someone ?

As expected when you first read the title you already was aware that the subject is going to be concerning LOOKS. And it is,  looks are most important in deceiving  any person or even prey, if you think what animals rely on in nature. It can give you the edge you need or it can beat you to your knees and make you stay there.  Why ?

As you have already seen and got really pissed off by now,  is that beautiful people always get what they want or just have it easy, don’t they ?

A beautiful person has a psychological effect that renders people numb when trying to be anything other than nice. That’s why many serial killers who where better looking had more victims then others. And also I have met people (mostly women) that have never been rejected in their lives, not romantically, in any aspect. Cause it’s just hard to say NO to a pretty face. Not impossible, just rare and hard.

Now, it’s not entirely our fault, I can tell you this. The media and everything around us reminds us that if you reach a certain level of Beauty, your life will change for the best. And it maybe true, your just signing the devils contract.  Being beautiful for a living is the worst job you can ever have : it’s a short period of time, it takes hard work in keeping your look as sharp as you can, and the worst of all you need to suck up to all people that raise your popularity so you can still have your “throne” once you leave it for a bit.  Thus if not a naturally beautiful, the agonizing way of meeting expectations that you are beautiful.

Why would being beautiful be agonizing ?

Well, the time spent per day or month/year, is pretty occupied with you just making sure that your hair, teeth and nails are clean and done, your body needs to be in shape and your skin should be silky smooth. Then you have to look good at all times,not to be caught off guard,  that’s why some people don’t leave the house without making themselves “beautiful”.  So by my standards, a real pain in the ass.  I love a good looking gal or guy as the next person, but if you need to go through all that effort, better be in PR or being a Model, Star, Stripper, Hostess, Dancer or a  Makeup artist,  usually people that are judge based on their appearance and also their appearance and some other skill will give them the financial benefits of a job.

But what about the subject proposed ?

As mentioned, I had this argument a while ago about how people choose or misjudge other people based on physical appearance.

The fact is that when we choose a partner is really hard not to be somewhat shallow. your filtering process should have different aspects that YOU WANT in a person, but also aspects that YOU DON’T !

Here lies the point where you find yourself in the limbo of  the two: Shallowness vs Standards.  Again a quick definition :

Shallow =

1. Measuring little from bottom to top or surface; lacking physical depth.

2. Lacking depth of intellect, emotion, or knowledge: “This is a shallow parody of America” (Lloyd Rose).

Standards (using the meaning we are referring to) =

a. An acknowledged measure of comparison for quantitative or qualitative value; a criterion.

b. An object that under specified conditions defines, represents, or records the magnitude of a unit.

c. A degree or level of requirement, excellence, or attainment.

d. A requirement of moral conduct. Often used in the plural.

Now shallowness is the quicksand for the common knowledge of  what standards should be, cause by not setting standards correctly you might find out that you are shallow and have almost no standards at all. When this happens most people suffer of  “broken harts” , when a guy or a girl chooses by shallowness and not by a well defined standard they will get to the point where “all men are pigs” and “all women are whores”  WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN ACCURATE.  Most people suffer from poor judgement, because some people have the “magical” power of beauty.

How can we differentiate the two ? the problem is how much are you willing to sacrifice from you shallowness and invest in healthy standards.

I found out by a clear study that the trend usually makes the law. Nowadays all types of stars just set some kind of a standard which usually is shallow as it can be (but they are stars what would you want them do to, they should be “godlike” ). And people change their beliefs and tastes accordingly, that’s why David Beckham was the face for Emporio Armani and H&M and all those other companies. Cause people would wear what their idols wear. Thus a trend is set without even trying, but behind all this subtle commercials, lie tons of money ready to be made from the easy minded and well endorsed people.

So having existential issues myself and girl problems when I was a kid, I started researching what the trends were and how I can apply them so they will help me score a few chicks, though what I  found was worse than what I was prepared to change.

There are strategic ways of finding out the “pleasures” and the responsiveness of people to beauty. One really simple one which you may have already taken part of it was : TOP 100 anything.  All those surveys where you find yourself ranking beauty and giving somewhat valour will eventually turn into a profit for some people. Don’t believe me ?  Few stars made the same top as number year after year…was it because they just became uglier and uglier ??? Noooo !!!   it’s because trend changed and those people couldn’t fit it well enough.

So now you know what makes you socially accepted, and also you know that beauty comes with a cost and most of all it won’t last forever. The cost is actually bigger than the reward and it is unpredictable when you will lose it. But i did not tell you where the limit lies and how to draw the line.

So what is shallow and what is considered a standard when choosing a partner (cause this was the reason for this article)

well I don’t think this is simple, but hey….if it was, I would be writing about it, would I ?

Lets start by :

Choosing a partner by : weight, skin/hair/eye colour, by height, finger nails, fingers, toes, toenails, nationality or country(that makes you racist too) makes you shallow. Even if you choose a partner by: Popularity, notoriety, talent or future prospects, makes you shallow. From rejecting a person for not laughing properly and/or them not being liked by your crew/group/friends…again bad !!!!

What should standards sound like or be like ? Well simple, as being different from animals, and having a rational way of thinking, though as I mentioned above that everyone has a bit of shallowness in them, the standards should sound like :  a person should be communicative, amusing or entertaining, interesting,  open minded, fun. As there are standards that aren’t shallow, like : having a great smile, being beautiful (by your standards,not only that), being well endowed, having a healthy aspect,a person having  hard skills or talents or soft skills, well read, well spoken,HAVING A GREAT PERSONALITY. These are some of the examples.

Some of you may have read these and said…well some may be shallow. Shallowness usually renders large numbers of people as being non-existent  on the search radar for example : ” I love only brunettes”  – that makes you deny or exclude, anybody that is other than THAT category of people. A standard, which is mine also, is based on a soft skill : “I love it when they know English”  it’s hard for me not to use English in day to day talk and having someone that can’t understand that, makes my life a bit harder….but it isn’t a deal breaker if  someone appears and doesn’t have this quality.

As a closing statement I would like people to set their minds on this idea : “ Nobody is perfect”  – even though you may be a prince or a princess, the balance between your flaws and your qualities is never as balanced as you may think.

Have a good day….I’ll see you all next time !!

Posted on July 3, 2013, in Opinii and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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